My Hero
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Watanuki gets groped.


**Title:** My Hero  
**Universe:** XXXHolic  
**Theme/Topic:** Bad Touch  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Character/Pairing/s:** hinted at DoumekixWatanuki but nothing really, if you choose to look at it that way. XD  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** Nothing I can imagine. Just some OOC on Doumeki's part but you know. Whatever. XD;;  
**Word Count:** 945  
**Summary:** Watanuki gets groped.  
**Dedication:** For my loverly loverly swinku! HEART!  
**A/N:** HAHAHA this is retarded. shot I just wanted an argument of some sort, okay? Because it's cute when they argue and Doumeki keeps winning. Oh, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING! XD  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I wish constantly.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

"Only you would try to help out the pervert who groped you just now."

"HE DIDN'T GROPE ME!"

Doumeki looked sidelong at him. "Uh huh."

Watanuki, red-faced, sighed. "Well. Better me than some poor girl, I suppose."

"Girls are usually more assertive than you," Doumeki mused, aloud.

Watanuki bristled. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You probably would have turned to give the old pervert better access if he'd asked. So it wouldn't be inconvenient for him."

"I WOULD NOT."

"Uh huh. You gave him directions when he asked for them."

"WELL. That's just because I happened to know where he wanted to go! What's wrong with that?"

"Uh huh."

"Stop saying that… like that!" Watanuki glared. "Why are you even here anyway!? Why does Yuuko-san keep sending us places together?! I object!"

"I'm here because if I wasn't you'd probably get groped by perverts on the train all day."

"I WOULD NOT." Pause. "AND I DIDN"T NEED YOU TO SAVE ME."

Doumeki blinked. "Why, because he was being so nice to you?"

Watanuki turned even redder. "NO! Because I could have handled it myself, stupid Doumeki!"

Doumeki stared at him. "Uh huh."

"STOP SAYING THAT. And…and even if I _had_ needed saving, you _definitely_ shouldn't have done it like _that_."

"Like what?"

"Like you did!" Watanuki flailed, indignant. "You completely gave him the wrong idea!"

Doumeki blinked. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"YOU DO TOO!"

"…then I wouldn't say I had no idea about what you were talking about."

"ARGH," Watanuki snarled. "You can't _possibly_ expect me to believe that you don't remember how you were all glare-hard-I'm-big-dumb-Doumeki-and-don't-touch-what-doesn't-belong-to-you-please-jii-san. I was there! I remember. It was like, _ten_ minutes ago. What are you, an old man? It was like you were saying I belonged to _you! _He totally got the wrong idea!"

Doumeki stared. "I never said you belonged to anyone."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT. The _way_ you said it… all…" Watanuki deepend his voice and puffed out his chest accordingly, "demanding and dangerous like this…" he took a breath then, went back to talking in his normal timbre, "of _course_ he was going to think you were implying something _totally_ wrong about the relationship between you and me!"

"Implying what?" Doumeki questioned, practically.

Watanuki blushed, hard. "Don't play dumb with me I know you know what I mean!"

The other boy blinked. "I don't."

"YOU DO TOO!"

"Then I would have said I did."

"ARGH."

Other people on the train were starting to stare at them now.

Watanuki cleared his throat, lowered his voice. "What I'm _saying_," he hissed in irritation, "is that _when you said that_ it made us sound… like we were… like we were um… _together_."

Doumeki looked at him. "We are together."

"WHAT?!" he shrieked.

Doumeki gestured blandly between them. "You are here and I am here and so we are here together."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!"

Some people started moving further down the train car.

Watanuki lowered his voice again. "That's not what I meant!"

"What did you mean then?"

"STOP PLAYING DUMB."

"Everyone's looking at you," Doumeki pointed out.

"Don't change the subject!"

"Well, I'm still waiting for you to tell me what you meant by together."

Watanuki paused. Turned a bit redder. "I _meant_," he began, licking his lips nervously, "that people would think you and I were… you know… _romantically involved_."

Doumeki was unmoved. "I don't see the correlation."

"What?! It's _obvious!_"

"How?"

"ARGH. Because! Because of the way you _said_ it! Like I was your property or something and you didn't appreciate that guy handling it! I'm _not_ your property!"

"I'll make a note," Doumeki said, dryly.

"Stop being obtuse!"

"Everyone's looking at you."

Well, everyone was making a conscious effort _not_ to look at the pair really, and move further down the car. They were beginning to crowd on the other end.

"ARGH."

Watanuki suspected Doumeki was laughing at him in his eyes, but couldn't quite pin it. It was hard when the person in question was a stone-faced unreactive _cretin_ who had no social graces, after all. And if Watanuki asked him (accusatorily, of course) if he was laughing at him, he would probably get some rude, smart-assy remark in response along the lines of "I'm always laughing at you" or "does it look like I'm laughing at you?" like he usually did.

Doumeki really was a big dumb obtuse _caveman_.

Best to just be assertive and give the large ox an irrefutable news flash—something he couldn't argue with and leave it at that.

"We are _not_ together," Watanuki told his companion, in a harsh whisper that might as well have been a scream. "That is all," he added, for the appropriate sense of finality.

Doumeki blinked. "Do you mean… we are not together on this train or that we're not together romantically?"

Watanuki lost it.

"IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS SHOULDN'T IT?! ROMANTICALLY! WE ARE NOT TOGETHER ROMANTICALLY AND I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO _YOU, _AND SO NO MATTER HOW MANY CREEPY OLD MEN GROPE ME ON THIS TRAIN I DON'T NEED _YOU _TO SAVE ME!"

Now everyone really was looking at him. From the other end of the train car, granted, but staring nonetheless.

A beat.

Watanuki shrunk a little.

Unfazed, the other boy calmly took his fingers out of his ears. "So… let me get this straight. What you're actually saying is…"

Watanuki waited with baited breath—the big idiot _finally_ understoo…

"…it's okay for old men to grope you on the train?"

Silence.

And then, Watanuki sunk into one of the now-open seats near them. Buried his face in his hands.

"I hate you so much."

**END**


End file.
